Air Crash Investigation Classics

The plane was shaking violently,And when I looked out of the window,I could see that we were coming in way too fast; The actual touchdown wasn't too hard,It just felt like a hard landing,We bounced a little,β€”Nothing to worry about; The plane started slowing,Everybody started clapping,We were all so relieved…To be home and dry,I even … Continue reading Air Crash Investigation Classics

Criminally-Offensive Sounds

Your condition, please? Iβ€” uhh…I've been diagnosed with slocking, Your ticket number is 23671,Please take a hood and noose and join the line on the left,Sir… Okay,Thank you; Hey… uhh,Excuse meβ€”Am I in the correct line? Heya, buddy,Let's see your certificateβ€”I see…Unfortunately, yes,You're in the correct line,β€”Good luck, man! 'Unfortunately'?'Good luck'?What… Bro… TICKET NUMBER 23671,PLEASE … Continue reading Criminally-Offensive Sounds

That ClichΓ©d Covid Speech

I think we've all come to realise,During these past few months…The true value of face-to-face interaction, πŸ€”πŸ˜ As well as those other things in our lives which are important,And those which aren't, πŸ€”πŸ˜ And as a society we've been forced to confront… and to understand,Just how fragile our sense of normality,Even our mortality,And all of … Continue reading That ClichΓ©d Covid Speech

Major Trauma/Journey Through The Emergency Department

Doctor, doctor,My legs have fallen off! PSCCCHH!Salus two-one,We're bringing in a code blue Joe, code blue Joe,Over! PSCCCHH!Copy that, Salus,Code blue Joe!You may land on any runwayβ€”Uhh, I mean…Any ambulance space… yeahβ€” Big Bird Blue,Get off the damn airways,Over!! We need to stem the bleeding,He's going into cardiac arrest! Stand by…Clear! I feel a pulseβ€” … Continue reading Major Trauma/Journey Through The Emergency Department

Modern Standards

Push! Push!One last big pusshhh! ArghghGhhGHhGhhHh!! Waaah, waaah, waaah, What do we do, what do we do?The umbilical cordβ€”We need to cut it, No need,Just unplug it, What? We've done away with placentas and umbilicals,All babies use USB nowβ€”Just unplug the USB cable, Oh… ok… Nifty, isn't it?You know…All babies born after April 2020 even … Continue reading Modern Standards

A Post You Cannot Steal

This is a stolen post,So read it at your peril! Who would steal somebody else's post?What a sociopathic thing to do!Just like how I stole this post,And to the original author, I sayβ€” fuck you!! I love browsing the posts in the aftermath,Once the original author has clocked onto me,I love seeing the fresh mental … Continue reading A Post You Cannot Steal